


Chuck's Master Plan

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Chuck is God, Crack, Dean is So Done, Gabriel Lives, M/M, Muffins, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 09:24:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3376337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chuck is annoyed at all the destiel sexual tension, so he takes matters into his own godly hands.<br/>Pure Crack. Come to the dark side, we have muffins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chuck's Master Plan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lunas_Lost_Shoes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunas_Lost_Shoes/gifts).



> What the fuck is this.

“SON OF A BITCH!”

Dean stared into the mirror open mouthed and horrified met with an image he’d never in his wildest dream imagined, not even the ones with strippers, especially not the ones with strippers.

Himself.

With boobs.

Double D cups.

“Actually, it would be bitch, not son of a bitch.” Came a voice.

“Crowley!!” Dean spun around flailing.

“Because you’re a girl.” Crowley explained. “Here want a muffin?”

“Oh sure!” Dean exclaimed, for some reason now craving muffins.

“All natural Infant uvula flavor.” Crowley said proudly.

Dean spit his mouthful of muffins into Crowley’s face.

“I WANT MUFFINS BITCH!” Dean screamed. “GET ME ACTAUL NOT HUMAN MUFFINS.”

“Are you like on your period?” Crowley pouted, wiping the spit and Infant uvula off his face.

“No bitch, I’m a guy- SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!” Dean cried running into the bathroom holding a hand between her legs.

A hysterical scream came from the other room.

“SAMMY I AM COMING FOR YOU!!” screeched Dean, forgetting all about the possible bleeding from her loins.

“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.” Came hysterics from the opposite side of the couch.

“ARE YOU OKAY!” Dean yelled unnecessarily loud.

Sam, still very much of the male gender, was huddled head between his knees sobbing uncontrollably “I was watching Good Mourning Vietnam.” Sam hiccupped “And I got to the good mourning Vietnam part. AND IT WAS LUCIFER!!”

Dean gasped and looked at the TV. Sure enough paused was a picture of Lucifer smiling malevolently into the camera.

Dean shrieked and dove behind the couch with her brother.

“I didn’t expect it.” Sam moaned.

The sound of the door breaking down immediately followed Sam’s statement “NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPAINISH INQUISITION!!” hollered a voice.

Sam screamed and dove out the window.

After a few seconds Dean carefully lifted her head and glanced out at the Spanish Inquisition. The Spanish Inquisition looked allot like the angel Gabriel.

“Who are you?” asked Dean confused.

“Uh,” The Spanish Inquisition who looked like Gabriel said “Gabriel”

“If your Gabriel, why aren’t you dead?” Dean questioned.

“Oh my god Deana, you can’t just ask people why there not dead.” Crowley said, who must have come out of the bed room.

“Trickster duh.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Kind of a dumb blond am I right?” he said to side directed at Crowley.

“OH MY GOD DEAN YOUR CAR IS FUCKING PINK!” came Sam’s voice from outside.

“WHAT!?!” Deana screeched.

“Oh and nice rack Deana.” Gabriel commented.

Dean turned slowly in rage to face the arch angle “Stop.” She said icily, but then she lost her cool “OBJECTIFY WOMEN”S BODIES!!”

“Don’t do it.” Crowley warned.

“Oh I will.” Deana threatened.

“Let’s talk about this.” Gabriel suggested nervously.

“CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS” Deana screamed.

“Oh I thought she was going to go all Mark of Caine on our asses.” Crowley sighed relieved.

“What did I tell you? Dumb blond.” Gabriel said.

“You don’t have to shout so loudly.” Cas appeared and said.

Deana threw herself toward Cas’s feet and hugged at his trench coat “TURN ME BACK TURN MY BACK TURN ME BACK TURN ME BACK.”

Unfortunately her position gave Castiel a very nice view of her newly acquired chest so he wasn’t inclined to listen to much of what she was saying.

“I’m sorry Dean, I was under the impression you gender was male.” Cas said confused “Now I am not so sure. My pants are getting tight for some reason.”

“Turn me back to a boy Cas!” Deana whaled wrapping her legs around his feet and hands grasping at his thighs, pushing her chest up against his knees.

“Gabriel I am feeling very frustrated right now.” Castiel commented.

“Just let it happen.” Gabriel told him.

Castiel was starting to get a very notable boner and it wasn’t helping matters that Deana was now burying her face into Castiel’s ass. Cas turned around and laid a hand on Dean’s head. Suddenly Deana’s rack disappeared and he grew into a more masculine frame. Thrown off balance by the change Dean flailed and grabbed onto a part of the body a bit higher than the thigh. That part happened to be Castiel’s erect cock.

Dean fell to the floor leaving a very confused and aroused Angel of the Lord standing alone.

Crowley seeing an opportunity stepped in “Here Cas, I’ll make you a demon deal.”

“What?” Cas said.

“Yeah, take away all of you two's relationship denial and you guys and fuck on the beach in Miami or something.”

“What is relationship denial?” Cas asked.

“I”LL MAKE THAT DEAL!” said all the fan girls.

“Let me.” Said Chuck.

“Who the fuck are you?” Gabriel asked.

“A prophet of the lord.” Chuck answered.

“I’ll take it!” Crowley decided. The two shared a passionate kiss.

“I ship it.” Said one fan girl.

“SHUT THE HELL UP YOU WHORE CROWELY BELLONGS WITH BOBBY FOREVER.” screamed a group of fan girls.

"YOU HOES! BOBBY AND ELLEN ARE SOUL MATES.” Screeched another group enraged.

“EXCUSE ME BITCHES.” Shrieked anther group. “BOBBY AND JODY MILLS FOREVA”

Chuck and Crowley brook off the kiss.

Dean and Cas disappeared.

“Now you know the drill prophet.” Crowley said smugly “Ten years and I get your soul.”

“Nope.” said Chuck.

“What?” Crowley asked confused.

“You are not getting my soul because I don’t have one. I’m God.” Chuck explained offhandedly.

“Daddy?” Gabriel looked up at Chuck with puppy eyes.

“Balls!” Crowley snapped and disappeared.

“PROOF!! CROWLEY AND BOBBY ARE SOUL MATES!!” shouted a group of fan girls.

“Uh, Crowley doesn’t have a soul, he’s a demon.” said the one lone fan girl

The group of fan girls previously mentioned turn slowly to the lone fan girl and transform into a fearsome dragon and smite the girl from the earth.

“Haha my plan worked.” Chuck exclaimed craftily.

“What?” Gabriel asked.

“To get Dean and Castiel to admit their feelings for one another.” Chuck explained “Don’t worry Gabriel, you and Sam are next.”

“WHAT!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?” screamed a voice from outside.

Chuck waved a hand.

“GOOD MOURNING VIETNAM!!” sounded from the TV. Sam let out a high pitched scream.


End file.
